Hello all you classy people! You know who you are because classy people just know that they’re classy and don’t need to be told. Everything we do radiates class, it should come naturally. Due to her being so classy, Joyce asked me (a fellow classy person) to educate the masses on how to be classy during the holidays. We all know that this time of year is stressful and busy- which makes it more important to keep our classy standards high.
Before I delve further into how to make this a successfully classy holiday, I thought I would tell a little about myself, because as all classy people know it’s always about us. I am 25 years-old and currently reside in California, where I met the supremely classy Joyce Berhold. Doesn’t that sound like a pizza? I’ll have a large supremely classy pizza with extra class please! Which anyone with class knows that in classy language that simply translates to a large Hawaiian pizza with extra pineapple. If you didn’t know that then I hate to be the one to break the bad news but… you may not be as classy as you thought you were. Anywho, to get back to me. I have been a resident of California for a little over a year but was born in this great classy state. I was born to two classy people, who gave birth to three classy daughters. I am the youngest and firmly believe that I got the most class out of the three of us. I was born a couple months early so I think the trick to having a highly classy child is too under bake a little. This is my first time guest blogging and I was a little reluctant to toot my own horn on how classy I am, but lets face it… classy people love to toot their own horn. So here we go! Toot! Toot!
‘Tis the season for family and friend get togethers. Of course you’ll feel obligated to go, (even if it’s your second cousin twice removed, or the husband’s boss) though deep down inside you would rather snuggle up in front of the TV and watch all the classy shows i.e. Jersey Shore and Hoarders. First of all, I just want you to know that you are not alone and I will help you through this difficult situation and will help you maintain the class status quo. With this easy guide you’ll be in and out of unclassy parties and still maintain your self-class.
Show up to the party fashionably/classily late. Use your own class meter and judge how much time that is. For me I would say normally five to ten minutes late, just long enough for the awkward beginning conversation to be over and the food to be placed out.
Find the host and/or hostess and thank them for the invite and tell them that the place looks great. Compliment the spouse of the host and tell them you have been looking forward to this party for a long time. Side Note now would be the perfect time to start coughing periodically during the conversation see below. After the appropriate amount of small talk, beeline it to your other friends and talk about how horrible the food tastes and how you didn’t want to even come to party but felt obligated to. Remember: never talk about the host/hostess or their spouse to their faces, always behind their backs!!
Circulate around the room and make small talk with more guests, making sure to keep your coughing up. After a good amount of time, make the excuse that you can’t seem to stop coughing and quickly make an exit. If you feel so inclined you could be much more dramatic i.e. sneezing, vomiting, fainting and always include your spouse into the plan. You don’t want to end up with a confused spouse who doesn’t know what’s going on and blow your classy ruse.
* Because there are so many parties during the holidays the guest list may overlap, so remember to pick a new ailment with each one.
Black Friday Shopping
This is a test of any classy persons class. It's difficult to get up at 2am the morning after stuffing yourself full the previous day, and get into a line for the good shopping deals. The benefits though of stuffing yourself is that you wont need to stop and eat breakfast for a while and can shop until your classy legs can’t take it anymore. For those who need to eat regularly, don’t panic. I will include a tip on how to get through those long lines and long day of shopping classily.
After you climb out of bed before the sun has even peeked its head over the mountains, make sure you put on the most classy of outfits. Pants with a stretchy waist band, a hoodie, some Uggs or slippers, and a hat to cover those ears from the cold. The pants with a stretchy waist band is very important since most of us will still have bloated bellies from the night before. Trust me, you don’t want to be caught in a line full of people and have the buttons of your pants explode off. I’m afraid if this happens then someone has to revoke your classy card and privileges. And you will have become *gasp* normal! Make sure to make up some Ziploc baggies of Turkey dinner leftovers and stick those in your pockets for later when/if you get hungry.
Make sure you go with back up. The waiting line to get into Target can and has often mimicked the movie West Side Story. Minus the singing and dancing, though that early in the morning ya never know. Invite a couple of your classy girlfriends to go with you (make sure you assign one to bring the hot cocoa). This tactic will come in handy when anyone tries to butt in line, they wont mess with a girl who has her classy posse with her. I would also recommend making matching shirts or jackets.
Get in, get out, stay classy. Divide and conquer. Send one girlfriend towards the electronics, another towards the clothes, and you can go towards the toys. There’s always that hot ticket item every season and you want to make sure you get one. You may not know what it is but you must get it! All of us have had a certain situation happen to us that I think we as classy people need to be more proactive about. Having our said hot ticket item taken out right from under our noses. Well, incase you didn’t know about the classy way of dealing with this, I am about to enlighten you.
*Warning* This step is only to be used in extreme classy emergencies!
If someone gets to your hot ticket item before you, follow these 3 simple steps.
Step one: Grab the item out of their hand
Step two: Kick them in the shins
Step three (and the most important): RUN!
I have only one last bit of classy advice to impart with you. I hope that you all have taken notes and learned how you can make your holidays just that much more classy. For this step I have included some pictures so you can make sure to properly follow each classy step to a T. If you become confused in anyway just start back with step one, and it will eventually lead you to step two.
Delivering Holiday Cookies
I think my favorite part about the holidays is the baking. Actually, scratch that. I think my favorite part of the holidays is eating other peoples baking. If you’re like me then there is virtually no time to making several batches of holiday cookies for all those whom you care for. There’s not just enough hours in a day for one to bake cookies from scratch and maintain ones classyness (yes, classy people make up words). So here are the step by step instructions on how to save time and yet still achieve the same results as if you baked them yourself.
Go to your local store. I chose Target but you can really choose any store that sells cookies.
Next, choose some cookies that can look as if you baked them at home. In other words- don't choose any Keebler Elf ones or the sugar cookies with the frosting on top. I chose Nestle Tollhouse ones.
When you get home, cover a cookie sheet in aluminum foil and place the cookies evenly spaced on the cookie sheet. Warm your oven to 250 F
Place the cookie sheet on the middle rack and let them warm for about 6 to 8 minutes. Remove from oven and transfer to a plate. They will be warm and gooey and make your home smell like you worked very hard at making homemade cookies. Only we know the secret though- so shhhh! Class is the word!
If you're really classy you'll eat one just to make sure they're not poisonous or disgusting. It would be a crime against all things classy if the cookies were gross tasting, so you must eat at least one! And if you're super duper classy, have a wine glass full of chocolate milk, or regular milk, your choice!
There you go my classy friends. Follow these simple guidelines and your holidays will always be classy! Spread your wings and soar on the your air pocket of class! For now I bid you all auvoire (classy people pretend to speak French), and in the words of my good,classtastic friend Ron Burgandy... "Stay classy, San Diego".